Welcome 2017

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FINALLY 2016 has come to an end…it was definitely a rocky year.  Brad was laid off at the beginning of the year and so back to San Antonio we went to try and get the photography off the ground.  I tried a couple work from home programs…It Works and Essential Oils. Where I love the products…Photography is my passion and I was spreading myself too thin.  We did a lot of time at the local parks scoping out locations and enjoying the beauty that lies within our big beautiful city.  We tried out a few different RV parks, finally found one that is home,  We had massive up and down times in our relationship alone and everything else simply couldn’t fully come together as a result.  I finally had enough and left and in my time away I visited people that I thought would help.  Some made it worse others helped more than I realized that they could with a few words said and triggered memories and ah ha moments no biased opinions.  I went to the wrong part of the country altogether knowing pine trees  and I do not agree and ended up extremely sick.  Fortunately not long after leaving and coming back home where I belonged I got better.  Finally my husband and I got on the same page and with that everything else started to fall more into place.  By the end of 2016 life was really coming together when in a weeks time my great aunt Leona and Brads mom Dorene passed away then it seems like after that Hollywood has been dying off left and right clean up until hours before midnight.  At midnight last night we enjoyed the massive explosions and beauty of fireworks.  Yet at the same time worried about peoples pets and hoping they remembered to lock their furbabies up for their safety as well as our war vets…wondering does all these type of sounds bring flashbacks??  The things that can go thru this Gemini girls head all at once I tell ya!

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So today is January 1st 2017 that was simply a fast recap as I haven’t blogged most of 2016 due to well lack of desire as it seemed like one big struggle after another.  I mean yes Brad got a job half way thru the year, business had a major halt by summer but picked back up in the end, my oldest daughter got married, my youngest daughter finally has a boyfriend that she is head over heels with and making plans to begin her travels soon to see places, both boys are in a school they love, Benjamin is pretty involved with ROTC, we have a wonderful place to call home.  But all the positives got buried in all the stress and grief to get to where we finally are today.  This year I am making it an effort to blog every day!!  I plan to do this by using facebooks daily on this day app so of course I can only go so far back and the rest if I remember will have to fill it in… events over the years.

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People who wonder if the glass is half full or half empty are totally missing the point…its refillable!!  When I think back over the years especially the last 6 years of my life I have seen this time and time again.  I don’t see this as looking in the rearview mirror but rather seeing how far I’ve come and all the beauty and yes even sadness and how it all connects like a puzzle when the time is right.

Back in 2009 I was rather excited that Jason Aldean had song of the year with She’s Country.

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Loved seeing that Dick Clark is at time square! Brought back childhood memories. I hear fireworks outside and for the first yr ever all my kids have made it to midnight and well Happy 2010!!!!! This is the year we also went on a serious hunt for stud dog for Paige and making a trip to New York to bring Zander into our home and thus puppy breeding began. I was cherishing all of the good memories of 2010 but leaving all the sadness and disappointments behind and embracing everything that is in store for me in 2011! 2010 Carl was dx with cancer that rocked our lives to its very core.

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new year clean slate lets start it right 🙂 Stay positive in all that you do even if at the moment things don’t go as you expected….EVERYTHING has a reason for happening to lead to the next steps in your path. Case in point had Carl never gotten cancer he would probably have stayed at a job he hated as he would have rather been working with his horses therefore since he made enough money to support the family I never would have lived out my dream of fully starting the business. So where it has been stressful things are leveling out. Not sure where life goes from here but all we can do is put one step in front of the other knowing that no matter what everything will work out as it should! Still can’t do the black eye peas thing no matter how much tradition says they bring good luck to the new year! No good ole southern traditional dinner for us today just keeping things simple seems to be the motto as of late.

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sadly  2012 taught harder lessons… but he will always be a part of who I am just never imagined my physical life w/o the most amazing man ever.

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2013 was spent in hotel room and a broken down vehicle but with so much new amazing in my life I never thought possible after so much heartache.

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2014 Hitched and headed West to Midland then on to Carlsbad NM Happy New Year y’all … be back home soon San Antonio only we didn’t realize just how soon…figured at least a few months but we were barely gone a month when layoff struck.

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Start 2016 with a new look on life. Begin a new chapter with a purpose. Find the drive to achieve blessings in the future. And let go of the past regrets that are holding you back. Find your true meaning of why you’re here and what is driving you to become a Great Person.!!

Look ahead at your future… It holds the key to some amazing things!

☆ Live Your Best Life Now ☆

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Burnt Toast

I don’t even recall where I came across this in passing but I posted it on Facebook

and I am blown away how it has taken off like wildfire so posting it here

for everyone that may not be on FB.

His Mom Served Burnt toast , but he was shocked when his Dad said this:

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“When I was about eight or nine, my mom burnt some toast .
One night that stood out in my mind is when she had made dinner for us after a very long and rough day at work, She placed a plate of jam and extremely burned toast in front of my dad. Not slightly burnt but completely blackened toast.
I was just waiting to see if anyone noticed the burnt toast and would say anything. But Dad just ate his toast and asked me if I did my homework and how my day was. I don’t remember what I told him that night, but I do remember hearing my mom apologizing to dad for burning the toast. And I’ll never forget what he said:
“Sweetie, I love burned toast.”
Later that night, I went to tell my dad good night and ask him if he really liked his toast burned. He put his arm on my shoulder and said,
“Your momma put in a very long day at work today and she was very tired. And besides, A burnt toast never hurts anyone but you know what does? Harsh words!”
The he continued to say “You know, life is full of imperfect things and imperfect people I’m not the best at hardly anything, and I forget birthdays and anniversaries just like every other human. What I’ve learned over the years, is that learning to accept each others faults and choosing to celebrate each other’s differences, is one of the most important keys for creating a healthy, growing, and lasting relationship. Life is too short to wake up with regrets. Love the people who treat you right and have compassion for the ones who don’t.”
Enjoy Life Now.

The Dance

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Our song was The Dance

to many this didn’t make sense as they saw it about death

To us it was about life our favorite line was:

“I could have missed this pain but I would have missed the dance”

This pain is SO worth the dance.

Sometimes advice given is to stay busy.

But in reality that is saying don’t feel or think.

It truly takes courage to stop because that’s when the pain rushes in.

Feeling the pain is the key to moving it along…shifting to where you need to get to

Find a balance it is different for everyone.

Don’t live in that deep black hole.  It will suck you in and not let you go if you allow

One foot in front of the other always going forward.

Give yourself permission to feel

Loss is the price tag for loving

You are a different person because of your loss and that loved shared.

Can you imagine how your life would have unfolded

differently had you never met or loved your dear one?

Pretty hard to think about isn’t it?

Yet their love is still with you, influencing your life.

Everything about grief is confusing

People think that grief is a short term process

and boy is that further from the truth but don’t I wish

that it had a beginning, middle and end.

Closure is a myth. Grief is a lifelong journey.

It moves from acute pain to subtle grief and eventually it mixes with daily life.

There’s a shift and change as it progresses but the

reality becomes part of your life experience

the new normal you will hear about often on your grief journey.

Fortunately the love -the relationship continues as well.

Love and loss continue to dance together thru time.

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Let your loved ones light shine upon you and from you like a star

from the heavens.

Imprints

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This mornings beautiful Wyoming Sunrise….

I used it in a Heavy/Light photo challenge today

it’s much how I feel with grief there are heavy and light moments

The Key to truly moving forward and gaining peace…

You know how much you’ve been changed because of their death

but imagine how much you’ve been changed because of their life.

The loss is real….so very real!!! Yet so is the gain 🙂

Ask yourself these questions:

Who were you before they entered your life?

Who did they help you become?

How are you different for having loved them?

Now go and hold those answers close to your heart.

With grief its obvious and easy to notice

what you have physically lost.

Little things like

The sound of their voice, their hugs, phone calls, texts and letters

contagious smiles and just doing stuff together, even disagreements.

Remember the good times and the bad times alike they all make up

who you are at this very moment in  time.

There was a gain and a loss by that love.

The relationship is not over with our loved ones just

because they are physically gone from our site.

Their spirit still imprints this life you shared.

Your life is forever imprinted by these events

You still talk to your loved ones

remember them

maybe you even write to them

I found myself alarmed recently realizing our sons memories are fading.

This saddens me. There are things he thinks he remembers

however they are not all of accuracy.

However there are things

he does that are forever imprinted without his knowing.

Little things the annoying and not so  annoying alike.

He eats anything (except brussel sprouts and okra) His dad was’t a picky eater

if anything he got upset if I didn’t have enough veggies lol.

Our son will eat food cold or hot he’s not picky his dad was the same

prefers meat med rare….both these make me sick to my stomach

seriously raviolis from the can…yuck

He loves oatmeal every morning plain

The sound as he walks across the floor with his cowboy boots

His constant go go go, willingness to work, helping others without expecting

anything in return,  love for animals.

12105833_10207264000493504_7181772514387790343_nhow he gets so into a leather project and takes great pride in them

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We were going thru stuff from storage and my daughter found this old photo

of their father roughly same age I forgot to look before putting it away…

but they could be twins!

Our daughters have much of him as well though one doesn’t want to hear

a word of it.

Thru our kids he lives on forever.

The essence of your loved ones are always with you.

Our son was young when  our world was rocked but

the essential parts were imprinted on our heart and soul.

I use my son as an example as he was young so much he

can’t really remember just certain moments and events yet

he is so much like his father without knowing.

Realities of Grief

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I use this photo because I think it resonates so well with me how I feel about grief.  I love this photo yet I don’t. It’s a cool fall morning meaning days are getting shorter and colder. I love the summers warmth yet look at all this beauty despite the temps are dropping.

One of the strange but true realities with grief — in fact with life — is that two seemingly opposing feelings can be true simultaneously.  So, you can be heartbroken and grateful, crushed and full of love all at the same time.  This can be confusing and even exhausting at times.  But know that the heart is expansive and can accommodate two realities . . . both are true.

Like a suitcase

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Grieving is something like carrying a suitcase.  It is always with you now . . . sometimes it seems like it is filled with bricks, so heavy that you can barely carry it.  It weighs you down.  And other times, the suitcase is light, filled with feathers.  On these days, the grief doesn’t feel like a burden.  When the case is heavy, know that feather days will come.

Wyoming Sunrises this week

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To think this morning I didn’t think there was going to be a sunrise!!

Boy was I surprised

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Benjamin and Paige coming back from their morning walk

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The deer too I guess wanted to watch the sunrise

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Loving the fog effect on this shot

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Fall is fastly fading but still able to find some color

I have to admit I haven’t gone exploring too terribly much but this years

colors to me have seemed a bit dull compared to other years I have

witnessed here.

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sunrise1017 (9 of 9).Going to trying and hit this spot a bit earlier can you imagine how gorgeous it will be!!