7 weeks

Thank you!!

I know you were with me this week helping me choose the new car

I know you were there helping with the loan process and

Determination and bringing me back to life!

I consider it my Mother’s Day gift from you.

I didn’t even drive onto the lot seeing this vehicle I pulled

in to see a much snazzier looking vehicle with tons of bells and whistles

from leather seats, sunroof, memory seat positions to Bose stereo system

and I am proud of myself for turning it down…high miles AND high roll over risk.

For some odd reason there was this voice that kept saying

but you have 3 kids and 5 dogs yes there is space and it is a nice ride

but what if you roll over the winds can get pretty bad in MT.

PLUS I googled and there are lots of issues with the model.

So that sensible side of this mom kicked in and I turned around to see this

beauty:

Now there were 2 stickers on the back that caught my eye- one was Army the other US flag-

you were in the Army, very much for our country, your colors were red and black

and if that wasn’t enough to cinch the deal on this one I was looking

thru hidden compartments and found a brochure for

an outfitters day trail ride trips.

I was pretty convinced that it was a done deal at that point.

Yes did a quick Google on this one too and had to search to find

any negatives, it is low miles, lots of space, not a high roll over risk

Then was told sorry we can’t go that high on the loan

we need more down or you need to get a cheaper

car and we have this fine Taurus on the lot why don’t you

come back down and take a drive.  You know me once

I have had an issue with a model it doesn’t get a 2nd chance and the

one we owned left me on the side of the road more than I ever drove it

not to mention it didn’t have the space I need.

I stood my ground, offered half the deposit down and to come up

with the other half in a week.

They bit and in fact after I actually showed them half

They worked harder to get me the loan even gave me more on trading the Aspire

seeing I was dead set on the Aztec.

Now something I didn’t think of but giving our spirituality such as it is

Aztec very much fits in and brings together that circle.

Saw an amazing fullmoon this week and we decided to have some fun checking it out.

Made me think of the last fullmoon we witnessed on our date night drive to go get my hair done

and instead ended up at the movies only that time I didn’t have my camera.

I am starting to have vivid dreams again and thus far for some reason

they are all about you.  Can’t figure that one out for the life of me of course

because it isn’t like I miss you terribly or anything.

After all we were only together nearly 20 years what’s there to miss??

You were a cranky old man all of 5.2 years old as you told people.

You entered the exit doors and exited the entrance doors deliberately at the stores

Waking up to your arms around me or my rolling over to cuddle with you

Or to ask you a question

Nothing I purchase, changes or things we do will replace you, but I know you wanted

Security and stability for the family

I am working forward to complete your wishes for us

Paige ended up with giardia from the lake a few weeks ago 😦

poor girl hasn’t felt too great.  Everyone swore she was missing you

But she never listened to you so I knew that wasn’t the case.

Aside from that the vet said she was impressed how well her tests look she didn’t even look 5 yrs old 🙂

Gave me kudos for being so intuitive to our dog because she would have

thought she was just fine but to appease me she ran tests.

By the way your girl Panda is 41.6lbs she isn’t going to be your 55lb girl but she is at least

going to hit the mid 40s so back up to Pris’ size at least.

Can’t believe she will be 8 mos old this week!!

At first I was angry with you for “saddling” me with your pup of choice from the litter

but then I realized she is a gift.

She looks nearly identical to Pris whom was my gift to you when we got married

and your parting gift whom was a big part of you for much of our marriage

was her granddaughter. She will be treasured just as much so again I say Thank You

Still getting lingering calls for puppies, but they don’t want the pure aussie

They want the border cross!

I have been telling everyone sorry we aren’t breeding again for 3 yrs.

Benjamin’s finger is more than a hairline but not a full break so lucked out

And only has to wear a splint as long as he leaves it on or he has to go back

And have it casted.

I’ve been thinking about you alot this week in all that we do.

I just wish we could have had one more day.

But I know even if we had I would still have said just one more day.  I do fine all week

Then Friday arrives and sadness consumes me.  I am trying to figure out

What to do with the day.  Some kind of memorial to you besides blogging to you

 My thoughts… we talk all week long but for some reason putting it all down into words

Seem to comfort me.  Maybe it is so I can see how I am healing, the feelings and thoughts

I have had along the way so I can look back on them.  Kinda like my box of letters

You so have hated over the years that go clean back to my childhood even notes passed around at school.

I like knowing I have them for rainy days.  Little things you tend to forget over time.

Besides the sleep fairy seems to keep dropping me from her GPS radar and I end up keeping insomnia company

Lets just say the next days attitude is brought to you courtesy of lack of sleep.

Mostly I just don’t like sleeping alone and sorry Panda is no substitute for you.

So the way I see it if you can’t go under it, can’t go over it, gotta go THROUGH it! So, I press on!

I love you so much more than words can say and miss you just as much

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