What 3 months Feels Like


I suppose it feels not as bad as the first days

One day I think I am doing great

then bam the next all I do is cry

or a song comes on that cracks me up

and the next saddens me

Or I see an older couple and think

that was suppose to be Carl and I

and what did I do to deserve to be left in this

world all alone

While on our journey to NJ to visit Carls family

it was as if he was with us

even though I kept waiting for my phone to ring

as it often did when we weren’t together.

I do finally feel like maybe just maybe I am looking further down the

road than 1/4-1/2 the day ahead

A month in the future actually

I have decided to transfer

possibly even sell the RV and Dually

I keep reading and hearing no major changes in the first year

but then I have talked to a counselor

that has said if it feels right do it

sometimes fresh starts is what is needed.

 Love resides within me or so that was to be my mantra this week!

A grieving person is almost like you’re in a completely different world.

When you lose someone so close, you become a different person, part of you dies with them.

 people say you’ll get through this

you’re strong

but you were my strength,

my rock,

and now you’re gone.

Miss you…

…love you



2 thoughts on “What 3 months Feels Like

  1. tatjannam says:

    Renee, I am so proud of you, Your learning and evolving but keeping the things that make you unique and those things that have made you that way in mind while doing so. Yes, time will sooth the soul, It will not, however, change the past nor take away those beautiful moments the two of you shared. The scars will always be there to remind you but the pain of the wound will be only a remembered one. But like a physical scar, you will always be able to point it out and say “remember when this happened” and smile because it is what makes you, you. When I read your posts I want to laugh with you and cry with you, I am inspired by you as well, you have met these last few months with a bravado that reminds the rest of us of the fragility of life, and not just in the obvious ways but of those who stay behind. I am sad to see you leave Montana, I know we’ve only met IRL once, but I do count you as one of my friends, I am also happy to see you and the kids moving forward. The counselor was right there is no time frame for grieving, You will always remember him and there will always be that space, right, there. for Carl, no matter how long you wait or how soon you move forward, we all know that. There is so much in store for you in that big wide future, when your ready to meet that world, go for it and grasp it by the tail, you ride it like your a pro and enjoy every moment of it!
    much love.

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