gotta love the Chicken Soup series. Here is the cheapest I have found.
I have already had the worse day of my life imagineable
My worse fear has happened…I am left alone w/o my husband
by my side.
However..I am still here..
I made it thru that horrible moment
even the days that followed
Most days are still blurs for me
Some days are better than others
Not sure what my worse time of day is really
During the day itself as long as no one mentions Carls name
or something triggers thoughts of him
(For Example 3rd floor Oncology on my way to L&D)
I do okay I stay on autopilot though “widowbrain”
kicks in and on some levels he is always on my mind
I can’t remember anything even if it happened 2 minutes ago
Evenings I was use to him working in the field
being a wrecker driver so kinda got use to and
even enjoying quiet evenings to myself
So I am guessing mornings are the worse for me
rolling over and nobody is there.
This week has been interesting. I fell asleep
after work one late afternoon I knew I was tired but didn’t realize
just how tired. I woke 2hrs later swearing Carl was trying to kiss me
No -the dogs weren’t in the room so it wasn’t one of them
licking me…I felt his presence as if he was right here
I didn’t want to wake up.
I wanted to hold on to the moment
I haven’t yet 3 days later decided if this
was comforting or sad
a bit of both perhaps.
Maybe his way of telling me I will be okay
I will be able to move on and he is here to help me do that
I will keep listening
I will keep journaling
in hopes to keep seeing my story unfold
For now letting the tears flow as they must
knowing they are watering my soul
helping me to grow
I have to remember that what has happened
is beyond my control
and I have to remember we did what we thought
was right as that is what was within our control.