Sometimes it is very difficult for us to put into words how we are feeling without hurting someone’s feelings. I found this “letter” online thru a grief newsletter that has helped me a lot so far and wanted to share it with you. The anonymous author penned a gentle way for you to help friends understand the depth of your grief and how they can help you cope.
Please be patient with me; I need to grieve in my own way and in my own time.
Please don’t take away my grief or try to fix my pain. The best thing you can do is listen to me and let me cry on your shoulder. Don’t be afraid to cry with me. Your tears will tell me how much you care.
Please forgive me if I seem insensitive to your problems. I feel depleted and drained, like an empty vessel, with nothing left to give.
Please let me express my feelings and talk about my memories. Feel free to share your own stories of my loved one with me. I need to hear them.
Please understand why I must turn a deaf ear to criticism or tired clichés. I can’t handle another person telling me that time heals all wounds.
Please don’t try to find the “right” words to say to me. There’s nothing you can say to take away the hurt. What I need are hugs, not words.
Please don’t push me to do things I’m not ready to do, or feel hurt if I seem withdrawn. This is a necessary part of my recovery.
Please don’t stop calling me. You might think you’re respecting my privacy, but to me it feels like abandonment. Please don’t expect me to be the same as I was before. I’ve been through a traumatic experience and I’m a different person.
Please accept me for who I am today. Pray with me and for me. Should I falter in my own faith, let me lean on yours. In return for your loving support, I promise that, after I’ve worked through my grief, I will be a more loving, caring, sensitive, and compassionate friend – because I have learned from the best.
I know I am not the same right now than I was 3 months ago, even 6 months or 2 yrs ago. We have battling so much in our lives these past couple years that in some ways maybe they were prepping us for these past 7 months. Where Carl has only been gone physically for 3 months he has been not here since January. On many levels I think even Carl has tried to prep us for what he felt was inevitable but was trying as always to remain the strong one for the family. So when I say it has been such and such weeks on a lot of levels I feel it has been much longer and in some respects it has been. In some ways where I would do it all again what we have been thru the past 2 years his passing was almost a relief and load off my shoulders. I don’t mean that in a disrespectful unloving way. I know it might sound awful to some, some will get it and understand..those that have been there, to my dear late husband I know he would totally get it and agree with me. There were times he would say he didn’t know what he did to deserve me, how did he get so lucky, he hated that I was young going thru such a time and journey with him and definitely hated our kids had to grow up totally not like we planned. I believe it is part of their journey to be who they are meant to in this life even if it means it wasn’t in which we foresaw or wanted. That the loss of their father at the age in which it happened is to affect them in some way to help them in this life to the next step or what awaits them in adulthood. I pray I can do right and help them where I am suppose to on that journey.