Wow 4 months

So my grief journey towards healing and regaining a sense of stability again process

is going well…

I don’t know…it’s going 🙂

But I found Carl….

You know the saying when you find a penny

an angel is thinking of you.

Well the one pet peeve my dear late husband had was

I have a bad habit of just tossing stuff to my side of the bed…

why not no one can see it and I know it’s down there somewhere

lol well I never knew how much he was

picking up for me over the past couple years being stuck at home

on his good days that is.

I got so disgusted not realizing how bad of a habit it is

so I was cleaning and when I could see the floor again

I found a penny on heads

I started uncontrollable laughing thinking immediately

of Carl…guessing he was saying good job and thank you!!

I only just realized I didn’t blog this past Friday

Does this mean I am beginning to heal?

Or was just so incredibly busy

that I forgot about my husband

No- but I was busy and he was on my mind

as he always is.

I have come to realize being around people help

but also stress me out.

so after we move will be slowing WAY down.

I realized one of his last gifts he gave me

was  realization- I CAN DO THIS sense of accomplishment

he helped me see what to advertise

and get business and make it work for me.

So I know when I am ready to take on things

I can and most likely will start business again in Texas

but at first will enjoy a slower pace

of only 1-2 days at my amazing job I am blessed to have

and time with my kids.

What brought on this realization

business boom after announcing our move.

For which I am grateful for, but

Grief is exhausting all on its own

I forget things easily

like I live in a fog even though I am

moving and talking

I do feel this fog is lifting

so maybe again this means I am healing

I love how this 4 month anniversary mark

falls on a Friday 13th.

I remember while he was in the hospital

I mentioned I never saw a room number 13 he said of course

not if there was he would be having better health luck.

Kids said the other day “dad died on a Friday because that is his lucky day”

gave us all a good laugh and hey maybe its’ true

he always said it was his best day

and really I will say over 20yrs he typically

did have a great day when 13th fell on Fridays.

image pulled from one video -Colorado vacation to the Gator Farm

I just remembered I sent in tapes to be transferred to dvd

picked them up and we watched them last night

one is a bad recording so need to take it back for redo

the other gave us lots of enjoyment

and me this feeling  I needed to run out and buy a new

camcorder…will I? who knows

because even if I get another one will I use it?

Though they have come a long ways

so maybe we will get one to start

documenting our new life.

Gotta have something embarrassing to show at the

kids weddings right 🙂

our firey red fullmoon for July

This week Kelda and I even went thru Carls clothes

to donate to those displaced by all our Montana fires.

Family meeting came to conclusion this is what he would have

wanted.  He wasn’t one to waste anything or let something go bad

and we figured so many have helped us over the past couple of years

and we have something to offer.

We kept a few articles of clothing to have memory bears made for each of the kids

A few of his vests I can’t seem to part with and I don’t know why.

Maybe because of all his clothing

he loved his vests the most.

A gorgeous Montana sunset that leaves me wondering if Texas has anything as beautiful…

will tell ya after we move.

We did hear from his Dr. in Aurora

He himself wrote us a nice “checking in on you” card.

I know his handwriting after weeks in the hospital

it was thoughtful even the kids were touched by this.

Currently awaiting a return call to go over

the autopsy but sounds like from what he wrote

pretty much as we saw it unfold not much different.

Not sure by how he worded it though if there was a little more??

I haven’t rec’ my copy yet so that is why as he said in his note

that I could call him if I wanted to discuss it.

I remember his routine well so I know most likely

a call will come in the evening.

So in closing life is changing, it is moving, I am healing

4 months feels like today an eternity ago

tomorrow may seem like yesterday

it is all part of the grief journey

I was on my way into the hospital when out of the corner of my eye

I saw this…actually with my cellphone captured

a bee that was there with the butterfly

it flew along by the time I pulled out my big camera

but was still left with this beautiful sight.

Butterfly…time for transition…


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