So my grief journey towards healing and regaining a sense of stability again process
is going well…
I don’t know…it’s going 🙂
But I found Carl….
You know the saying when you find a penny
an angel is thinking of you.
Well the one pet peeve my dear late husband had was
I have a bad habit of just tossing stuff to my side of the bed…
why not no one can see it and I know it’s down there somewhere
lol well I never knew how much he was
picking up for me over the past couple years being stuck at home
on his good days that is.
I got so disgusted not realizing how bad of a habit it is
so I was cleaning and when I could see the floor again
I found a penny on heads
I started uncontrollable laughing thinking immediately
of Carl…guessing he was saying good job and thank you!!
I only just realized I didn’t blog this past Friday
Does this mean I am beginning to heal?
Or was just so incredibly busy
that I forgot about my husband
No- but I was busy and he was on my mind
as he always is.
I have come to realize being around people help
but also stress me out.
so after we move will be slowing WAY down.
I realized one of his last gifts he gave me
was realization- I CAN DO THIS sense of accomplishment
he helped me see what to advertise
and get business and make it work for me.
So I know when I am ready to take on things
I can and most likely will start business again in Texas
but at first will enjoy a slower pace
of only 1-2 days at my amazing job I am blessed to have
and time with my kids.
What brought on this realization
business boom after announcing our move.
For which I am grateful for, but
Grief is exhausting all on its own
I forget things easily
like I live in a fog even though I am
moving and talking
I do feel this fog is lifting
so maybe again this means I am healing
I love how this 4 month anniversary mark
falls on a Friday 13th.
I remember while he was in the hospital
I mentioned I never saw a room number 13 he said of course
not if there was he would be having better health luck.
Kids said the other day “dad died on a Friday because that is his lucky day”
gave us all a good laugh and hey maybe its’ true
he always said it was his best day
and really I will say over 20yrs he typically
did have a great day when 13th fell on Fridays.
image pulled from one video -Colorado vacation to the Gator Farm
I just remembered I sent in tapes to be transferred to dvd
picked them up and we watched them last night
one is a bad recording so need to take it back for redo
the other gave us lots of enjoyment
and me this feeling I needed to run out and buy a new
camcorder…will I? who knows
because even if I get another one will I use it?
Though they have come a long ways
so maybe we will get one to start
documenting our new life.
Gotta have something embarrassing to show at the
kids weddings right 🙂
our firey red fullmoon for July
This week Kelda and I even went thru Carls clothes
to donate to those displaced by all our Montana fires.
Family meeting came to conclusion this is what he would have
wanted. He wasn’t one to waste anything or let something go bad
and we figured so many have helped us over the past couple of years
and we have something to offer.
We kept a few articles of clothing to have memory bears made for each of the kids
A few of his vests I can’t seem to part with and I don’t know why.
Maybe because of all his clothing
he loved his vests the most.
A gorgeous Montana sunset that leaves me wondering if Texas has anything as beautiful…
will tell ya after we move.
We did hear from his Dr. in Aurora
He himself wrote us a nice “checking in on you” card.
I know his handwriting after weeks in the hospital
it was thoughtful even the kids were touched by this.
Currently awaiting a return call to go over
the autopsy but sounds like from what he wrote
pretty much as we saw it unfold not much different.
Not sure by how he worded it though if there was a little more??
I haven’t rec’ my copy yet so that is why as he said in his note
that I could call him if I wanted to discuss it.
I remember his routine well so I know most likely
a call will come in the evening.
So in closing life is changing, it is moving, I am healing
4 months feels like today an eternity ago
tomorrow may seem like yesterday
it is all part of the grief journey
I was on my way into the hospital when out of the corner of my eye
I saw this…actually with my cellphone captured
a bee that was there with the butterfly
it flew along by the time I pulled out my big camera
but was still left with this beautiful sight.
Butterfly…time for transition…