Five 0 Six

Not even sure what to say

Today is a year

when my heart broke into a million and one pieces

The day my world fell apart

the past month has been horrible

I tried to stay positive

but increasingly grew weary

transmission went out in his truck

I kept faith all would work out

Planning a move

keeping a promise I would move on

find love again

everything was falling into place

yet still no way to get around

do the things needing done

couldn’t find transmission

locally and those from distance

wouldn’t ship the ones they had

I struggled with the thought of selling the beast

yes I know its just material what matters

is I have memories of my husband

but having that something physical that was his

as much as I refused to drive all year once

I did I found comfort

Like I was close to him again

Crazy??  yes maybe but in my grief stricken mind

it is how it has been

Roadblock after roadblock preventing us from moving

Beginning to think maybe I shouldn’t

Then found a 1 Ton truck got excited

Purchased a dully thinking it was a good deal

I had an unsettled feeling but thinking it was just me

overly nervous having never having bought

something from an individual w/o Carl around to inspect

knowing what he was looking for

I mean really look I purchased a 2005 Aztek from the dealer

totally in love with it and a month after I purchased it

started pouring money into it for repairs

and in the end the electric went out w/in 6 mos of purchasing

and $2000 into repairs with a couple more pending

Not only did I get burned by the owner for this truck

I also found the mechanic was trying to cheat me

I decided to just wash my hands of the dully purchase take the loss

and sell the beast to come close to covering what I had lost

so I could get a running vehicle.

The guy that purchased the Dully saw what I had paid

felt bad what had happened

called and offered to also purchase the other truck

Awesome so now I should be able to search and find something

cheap to get me by for now

Well I did come across something

I text him to see if he could help and go look at it

as it was near his home.

Turned out to be yet another not so good deal

As we talked learned he and his wife

already spoke about a vehicle they have

next thing I knew they were calling from near my home

My alarm was going off to say it was 5:06 p.m.

This is the time 1 year ago I watched Carl take his final breaths

I was about to break down into tears yet again today

when I looked out the window to see

this gentleman drive up with a vehicle

that he was offering

Saying he would hate to think if he were gone

and someone took advantage of his wife

Told me no money now

Showed me everything he has done

that he has a clear title in his name

just came in the mail a week ago

things he knows that needs taken care of yet

its not perfect but runs

passed inspection just last month

He didn’t want me thinking he wanted his money back

from what he paid me for the trucks

so drive for the weekend make sure I like it

make sure it runs then decide

I feel Carl had his hand in this

I truly was at the end of my faith rope

trying to figure out if I had done wrong

maybe I wasn’t meant to be

maybe this man I think I had fallen in love with to move on with my life

was not meant to be

worrying that by the time I got there he would change his mind

All sorts of things have gone thru my mind

Today has been emotional

woke crying, off and on all day crying

just a super emotional day


The vehicle is a 1993 Jeep Cherokee Laredo

Carl and I met summer of 1993

I first learned to drive a Jeep Wagoneer and vowed to never

own a Jeep anything I hated that vehicle

So I find it funny I am eating my words of NEVER

Carl almost got me a Cherokee back in 1997 after the birth of Inger

Went with a Ford Taurus instead…I would have rather had the Jeep HA


Its pretty clean interior all but one 1 window works 🙂


Thus far I am loving this suv

Having been without transportation for a month now

I totally appreciate it no matter the model

it turns on, functions and goes down the road and you can’t ask for more than that

OH and has an operating stereo that is important HA!

PS Ending note….this man was not what I thought or what he portrayed he was!

As it turns out he played on my emotional lonely state and was…still is married. So

Widows beware there are those that will make you feel things you long for

and I suppose get their jollies out of it.  guard your hearts and when the one

shows up you will know without a shadow of doubt.


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