January Jumbled Brain

LOL here we are half way thru the first month of the new year

and not one new blog on here other than 2014 in review!

jumbled brain

I sit here and stare and where my brain is jumbled with

junk floating around nothing makes sense or sounds good

when I see it on the screen so I sit here staring what to write

Yet on my Healthy Friends blog there is recipes

success stories DIY and such articles

On the fan page for skinny fiber there is tons of things

on my personal fb account there is stuff

but then here ya here I am babbling when so many things

are going thru my mind.

Like….

When will summer be here

I am sick of the cold

-still wearing my sandals though

Getting my skinny fiber business up and moving again

learning more about network marketing and that

alone takes a lot of my brain power and focus

Kids are making me feel like I am going mental

1 adult daughter lost her id and has been trying

for mos to prove who she is so has moved

no job due to no id which means no money

At least she has a boyfriend I suppose but isn’t how

she was raised to depend on others.

1 teenage daughter that has her first job and has suddenly

become a jabber mouth and her sarcasm has gotten the best

of her the past week.

2 high energy sons non stop go go go

-thank goodness the essential oils will be here soon surely they are my saving grace-

FINALLY there will be a blog 😉

1 min total chaos next best buddies not sure if they are coming or going

can you really blame me?

husband love him but some days I have to just

smh and tell him to shut up and kiss me or he will tell it to me

-otherwise we are both stubborn enough to stand our grounds-

I had a bad pap last year have yet to have it checked out

I have insurance now and really need to do so

but then the what ifs set in and I decide nothing can

exist if I don’t know about them right?

Maybe not really but makes sense in my mind.

Gas prices going down daily and so many friends husbands are getting laid

off of work. Many have several loans, kids, etc

I love cheaper gas as much as anyone but not at the cost

of families without jobs that many may well lose everything

they have worked so hard to get

I’ve been having nightmares again and for the life of me

couldn’t figure out why are they resurfacing now…

now why NOW?

Then it dawned on me last night when yet again I woke

and had to check to be sure my husband was still breathing

Saturday will be the anniversary date in which we learned

the cancer was back with a vengeance for Carl -the kids dad- and our

worlds were turned upside down deeper.

Crazy how the brain recalls things and slaps you upside

the head and you have to sit there and figure out what the hell

I didn’t give permission for these memories to hit me out of the blue.

Granted all that occurred during the past few years led to where life is today

and I am loving life again but sadly

NOTHING can erase from my memory the shear horror

of the experience.  You may move forward with life and live again

but never does your mind forget the visions it witnessed.

It has taken me a couple weeks to even figure out why these

nightmares resurfaced

maybe its a few things…timing of year, my husband is exhausted

from his work hours so I worry about his health, knowledge that at any

moment we too could be out of a job due to the instability of the O&G industry

Where he isn’t directly in the oilfield itself his field will eventually be affected-

it will trickle down-We’ve mos ago felt the effects of cut hours.

Is there a contract after this job who knows

right now I am grateful he has a job and with making our final rv pymnt

I am relieved and know that I can financially support us

should anything happen to his job.

BUT this is in part where I think some of

my nightmares are also coming from.

2 mos after debt was all paid off after a long road getting to that point

my late husband was dx with cancer and immediately was w/o a job and income.

Now you combine that history

with a little deja vu of right now circumstances surrounding the economy

my husband exhausted lately and I guess my mind can’t help but go there.

thoughts-become-things

I know better than this!!!!  Soooo I need to believe history is not

repeating itself and see the silver linings of all the good going on

All the positives and differences from past experience.

yoga-anyone

Yoga anyone?

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